TGIF

TGIF...Doesnt really apply to me, but Ill say it anyways. Matt has crazy working hours. He goes in about 430 in the mornings and gets home around 730 or 8 at night. Monday thru Saturday. So he has one day of rest. Me on the other hand am at home most every day, running errands here and there. I still seem to like the weekends the best.

Today hasnt been much of an exciting day. Straightened up the house some. (that seems to be a never ending battle) I finally sat down and wrote out two postcards to send to PostSecret. Didnt think I had anything really that interesting to say, but sometimes theres something that you think that just itches to get out but you dont want to say it to anyone.

Im sitting here watching a movie. I believe its called Everybody's Fine. Hopefully it will be pretty good. Since I am home most of the day, I have tons of time to think. I dont want to get too deep into details about my marriage. But its the biggest thing on my brain everyday.

Here is a little back history. Matt and I have been been married almost 5 1/2 years. We were high school sweethearts...really even before that. We started "going out" when we were in the 8th grade. Dated most of high school. After high school, I went off to college and Matt joined the Army. We stayed close friends but dated other people. I was engaged to another guy and for whatever reason, Matt and I ended up getting back together. He was deployed to Iraq from 2003-2004. We technically were "talking" again, but I guess we were open to talking to other people. He was injured in April of 2004 and was sent back to the states to recover. I guess it was then that we made it official. He stayed home for about 45 days and went back to Iraq. He came home with his unit in September of 04 and we got married the end of October. I moved out to Texas to be with him in November and that pretty much started our relationship.

I guess we rushed into getting married and didnt give ourselves enough time to adjust to being in a relationship after him being deployed to a war zone. After being in Texas about 6 months I discovered that Matt was still acting like he was single and chatting with other females online and trying to meet up with them. I confronted him about this and thought things were straightened out. Another 6 months went by and I found out that the stuff still hadnt stopped, he had lied to me about it and changed his passwords on his emails and such. Again it was something that we tried to work thru. We were getting ready to move to Germany after all of this and I found out I was pregnant with Cohen. I just assumed things were getting better. I even figured moving out of the country would prevent him from "cheating". It isnt as easy I would say. Well I was definitely wrong. I was in the hospital after giving birth to Cohen. Matt would come and visit me during the day but would go home in the evenings. We lived about 30 minutes from the hospital. After the couple of days in the hospital I came home to find out that Matt was still doing the same stuff on the computer. Every time I confront him. This happened a couple of more times that I know of. After a while you just start giving up. We were getting along, but there was a lot of stuff missing. I know Im no angel and have a lot to do with our marital problems, but a lot stems from his behavior and attitude.

I tried to forgive and forget. Moved on. We've been in Germany a couple of years now I guess and I now Im having Connor and Matt is deploying to Afghanistan. I moved back to the states for 6 months to have some help with Cohen while I was pregnant and giving birth to Connor. Matt came back from deployment when Connor was 3 months old. Im sure the war has a lot to do with emotions and such. But Matt is very stubborn and has a lot of tendencies like his father. If you guys only knew. Time continues to go by and we do a lot of our own things. He does his, I do mine. I dont like his parenting style most of the time. He seems to think that our toddler boys are not little boys they are soldiers and he treats them like that. That they should have been born to know right from wrong and obey all orders. Thats definitely not the case in this house. So we do a lot of arguing over that. We put on our smiling faces and push thru.

We finally get orders back to the US after three years in Germany. Im very thankful to be back. We moved in Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. Its definitely not my favorite place. Nothing is better than home, but it will suffice. Matt is on Drill Sgt orders here, so we will be here about 2 or 3 years. We were renting a house when we first moved here and decided on buying a house. Our issues are still ongoing but i complain to my mom about it and continue to live this way. After about 5 or so months of living here. I was online one day and got an email from an old b/f. We chatted about our families and how its been forever. Well our conversations continued and they grew and grew. We were, or I should say, I was falling for him. He made me feel happy again. He just seemed to have popped up at the most perfect time and was saying all of the right things that i needed to hear and I was seeing my marriage in a different light. It wasnt something that I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. Why settle with someone when you can be happy. I was/am settling. I want to live this great life and be happy and have someone around that enjoys my company and my childrens company, instead of complaining all of the time about how bad the boys are. My "relationship" with this other guy lasted a few months. We slowed down on the talking and now its about non-existent. I want to say its a good thing, but I miss him terribly. Matt and I are on the verge of divorce. I had all things planned out and we had come to terms about everything and what was going to happen. We kind of put it off, since we were getting a long a little better, but i dont know now. Im really trying to make things work and be happy. But the truth is, inside Im still not happy with my marriage. We have had a long list of things go wrong for us. Not saying we didnt have good times. We did and still do, but i dont know if thats enough to keep us going. Another truth is, Im still in love with this other guy. He doesnt share the same feelings and that is totally fine. But it puts my marriage in perspective. If I can have feelings and love for another person, then what does that say about where I am now. I shouldnt be here. I should be sorting everything out. I have been looking at jobs back in GA and wanting to move back, but honestly I dont know that i can afford living on my own with the boys. I just wouldnt make enough money in this economy to support us and have them in daycare fulltime. Its a very hard decision. I do think that if the boys werent involved, then i would have been gone a long time ago.

So thats where I am now. Sorry to ramble so much...didnt realize it was going to turn into such a long story. But once i started, off it went. Maybe Ill have some epiphany and things will magically work out the way they need to. until next time, I hope I havent bored you to tears....

A little delay....

Its been a little while since Ive blogged. I seem to forget to get on here and then another day passes. I need to add a sticky note to my desk to remind myself to blog. Not that I have people reading and following my every day, but if there is anyone out that remotely interested then I should do it for them.

Let me think and recap on what has happened since my birthday. This may end up being quite long. February 19th was my 27th birthday and definitely didnt go like I wanted it to. I thought it was going to be so much better. I was just having a rough day...not because I was turning 27 or getting older...it all had to do with my husband. Not too many people know our marital problems and thats the way Id like to keep it. (for now anyways). but lets just say we have had some issues for some time now and I was definitely expecting more from him that he gave. He got me a card for my birthday. I just expected a least a birthday cake and would have liked a present, but i can live without. He said he was going to get me something, but couldnt find the perfume that i liked so i ended up with nothing. I pouted most of the day and kind of did my own thing and stayed a bit distant. Later is when I told him my feelings were hurt that he didnt even think that if he couldnt find what he thought i wanted, to just get something else. But I guess its the thought that counts right?! Try telling that to all the other females out there. : )

So the next day I tried to be happier. Its a new day and we decided to take the boys on a trip to Branson, MO. Its about a 2 hr drive down there. Got up early, got the boys baths and while we were giving baths. I was in the tub with Connor and Matt was taking a shower with Cohen our hot water decided it didnt want to be hot anymore. So we all had to rinse off with cold water. I just new after that, it was going to be a bad day. Turned out pretty good with two toddlers.

We made it to Branson and made our first stop at the Dinosaur Museum. Cohen had been talking about seeing the Dinosaurs since he went to bed the night before. The boys loved seeing all of the lifesize replicas of dinosaurs. Matt and I werent too impressed but its all for the boys, right?! So i tried to take some pictures of the boys with the dinos but my photography skills are just not the greatest and most of those pics inside the building turned out blurry. I am a much better photographer outside.

We finished up at the Dino Museum and started on our way to The Butterfly Palace. This is the place that I have been wanting to see. On our way Matt sees the General Lee parked outside of this Dixie Outfitters store. So of course we had to stop. You just dont know how much my family, the boys included LOVE The Dukes of Hazzard. Cohen calls the General Lee the Yee Haw car. lol : ) We pulled up to the car and there was a sign saying that we were allowed to take as many pictures as we liked as well as sit in the car and all...they just asked that we donate to the Arkansas Childrens Hospital. So of course thats what we did. Took lots of pictures and donated some money for the pictures. We went inside of the store to check it out and part of the store is owned by Ben Jones (Cooter). There were lots of memorabilia from his days on The Dukes of Hazzard along with shirts and stuff that he has made and is selling in this store and his other two stores in TN. We each had to buy something that was affliated to the show.

After spending a quality amount of time at the Dixie Outfitter/Cooter Garage store we finally headed out to The Butterfly Palace. Let me just say it was amazing. My favorite place. It was so tranquil and serene. You walk into this Atrium filled with lots of greenery, flowers and butterflies galore. The butterflies floated by your head, even landing on you at times. They were everywhere...hundreds of them. I would definitely go back. Whenever I win the lottery and can build my dream house I would love to build something like this.

The boys were getting a little cranky so we stopped for some lunch/dinner at the IHOP across the street from The Butterfly Palace. All you can eat pancakes makes for a happy Sarah and two happy little boys. After eating, we set out to the Veterans Museum. Matt could spend hours there. I had to rush him a little bit. While I find all of the history interesting and all, Im not engrossed in it like Matt is. He says we will definitely go back and see it again, probably this summer sometime.

Its getting late in the day so we made one final stop to the Shepard of the Hills Inspiration Tower. Its this huge tower that you can go to the top of and look out. We rode a glass elevator about 230 feet up to the top. It was quite cloudy so we couldnt see a great distance away, but the view was still spectacular. After spending some time there, we headed back to the homestead. By the time we got home it was bedtime for the boys and time for me to relax.

We spent the next day relaxing. I did some grocery shopping and cleaning around the house. Then on Monday I had a doctors appointment and a dentist appointment. My doctors appointment went okay. I just have to say I am not a fan of military doctors. For whatever reason I think their education levels are just not up to par. This is just from my personal experience with different docs over the course of 5 years and even in different country/states. But whatever, I went to get a referral to see a plastic surgeon about having a Breast Reduction. I started the process while I was in Germany in 2006/2007. I got as far as talking to the plastic surgeon and getting ready for a surgery date when I decided I wanted to wait. We were in the thought process of having another baby at that time. So we held off and not too long after I was pregnant with Connor. Now things have settled and we wont be having any more children anytime soon, if ever...I decided to get the process going again. Well I have to see my PCM and he has to refer me to a plastic surgeon. Well dlike all doctors they have to exhuast all other options before tricare will pay for surgery. So he put in a request to see if tricare will cover this surgery and i should hear something by friday. Im crossing my fingers. After all that, I headed over to the dentist office to have my first consultation with them. I had xrays, teeth cleaning and noticed that one of my back teeth needed a root canal. I knew this, just been putting it off. So he started the root canal on Monday and I went back on Wednesday to finish it up. I have to go next week to have the crown put on it and. I really wished we had better dental insurance. You would think that it would be since its military and the health insurance is pretty good. But nope, dental sucks. Im having to pay about 600 dollars out of pocket for this root canal.

I think ive caught everyone up on whats been going on. Today nothing exciting has been going on. Ill start a new blog soon. We are looking at repainting the interior of the house. starting with the kitchen/dining/living room area.

27 years old

Good morning! Today is my 27th birthday. Where did the years go? I cant believe I am on the verge of 30. Im not upset by this. I think these are going to be the best years of my life. I try to make each year a better year than the last. The year of 2010 I was going to do a 365 project (where you take a self portrait of yourself every day for a year). Well I kind of forgot to start, so what better day than to start...on my birthday and do one for the whole 27th year of my life. Ill add the picture to my blog everyday as well as the link to the actual project blog.

I've also decided that I should start exercising more. I know, I know. seems like its on everyones resolution list. Im going to buckle down on this. I was talking to Matt the other day about the PT standards for the Army. (no im not planning on joining). He trains new soldiers coming into the Army, so he sees them at their weakest and helps them work their way to the PT standards of push ups, sit ups and running. Well just out of curiousity I wanted to see how many push ups and sit ups I could do. I dont remember the exact number you have to do to pass the PT test, its like 50 or so of each, give or take 10 or so. Ill have to ask Matt again. But that all doest matter when you can only do like 15 push ups and 15 sit ups. I never really realized how out of shape I really am. I know, I may be skinny...but that doesnt mean Im healthy. Im not unhealthy, but definitely have a lot to work on. Matt also bought a treadmill recently so he can work out at home when the weather is bad and I can start on my cardio and build some endurance.

Hope everyone has a great day and Ill update some more later this evening when the day comes to an end.

Who is Sarah?

Who I am....

My name is Sarah and Im Plain and Tall. Plain sounds so boring, but its me and im no where near boring. I just mean that Im your average southern girl. I enjoy the simple things in life and am very traditional. Im a wife and a mother. Ive been married to Matt for a little over 5 years. We have two adorable little boys. Cohen is 3 1/2 years old and Connor is 2 years old. We also have two fur-babies. Smokey is a 6 year old Weimaraner and we just adopted Delilah, a 3 month old Weim.

I am from a small town in Georgia. But I currently reside in a small town in Missouri. Why you may ask, Matt is in the Army. Id like to thank the Army for sending us to every little nook and cranny in the world. So far we've lived in Texas, Germany, and now Missouri and thats been in the last 5 years. We should be in Missouri a couple of more years, then off to Timbuktu(or wherever the Army has in mind). But wherever I may live, my heart will always reside in Georgia.

I am a jack of all trades and a master of none. I have a love for many different things, like cooking, sewing, photography, reading, nature, traveling, volunteering, sports, being outdoors, spending time with family and friends, learning new things, meeting new people, and my country. Ill go into more details about these things as time goes on. These things are a part of who I am, so Im sure Ill be blogging about each and every one and will be adding some stuff that Ive forgotten to mention.

I am a full-time stay at home mom and a full-time college student. I jumped on the college bandwagon right after high school and did that for a few years. Life got involved and I married and moved out of state, sure I could have transfered schools, but I was just enjoying myself. Moved to Germany a year later and who has time for school when you are on a 3 year vacation, plus add in two pregnancies and now two toddlers later here I am. Back in school Igo. I decided I needed to buckle down and finish what I started.

If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading and I hope I havent bored you to tears. Ill post a few pics and write more at a later time. : )

These two are the loves of my life. Connor and Cohen.

This is me and my Smokey Joe. He's such a sweet puppy.